Evansville, Indiana (3-7-2009)- The first game of the NEO Rock 'n' Roller Girls' first season last year was an away game in Evansville against Demolition City Roller Derby. That was such an amazing first game, for both new leagues, that it set the paradigm for what DCRD would strive for the rest of their home season. They won the game in an overtime jam by three points. The intensity was so overpowering that everyone thought it'd be impossible to recreate, but hoped to make happen again. Well, lightning did strike twice, although this time with different results. NEO beat DCRD in regulation play by two points: 102-100 in the bout dubbed Repeat Offender.
Last year both leagues were brand spankin' new and had never played a real game against another team. In the eleven months between the bouts, both teams have matured remarkably. The wet behind the ears, wobbly packs of yesteryear were replaced with machines of Swiss precision. The jammers were faster and stronger. The hits were harder and more strategically placed. In short, this was storybook roller derby.
The event was a double header with DCRD's B team, the Destruction Dames taking on the Circle City Socialites of Indianapolis. By comparison, this was watching a peewee football game open up for the SuperBowl. Neither team was amazing, but each team had its moments and players that show promise. The Destruction Dames had a couple of players from last year's A team on the roster to lead the newbies. This has to be the underlying reason the score was a washout. The scoreboard didn't even have the technology to extend past 199, and the Destruction Dames went well past that mark. The Socialites stayed in the lower double digits and after awhile the crowd was growing numb to the slaughter. The Socialites have a great coach, but they need a lot of practice to be able to compete and hold their own against any formidable foe.
And now the main event. From the first jam to the last, these girls were on fire. Shelby N. Pain from DCRD was as instumental this year as last. She was given an MVP by NEO as the player that gave them the most trouble offensively and defensively. She is a scoring machine that is fun to watch. Jetsy Rockette was versatile as well and having won the game for DCRD last year, she would have surely done the same this year given the chance. Clara Plegic was not to be outdone in the competition of "who can land the hardest hit" and from seeing her last year to this year, I'd have to say she's the most improved skater.
NEO's Phantom Fox, the sweetest girl you'll ever meet, demonstrated how a smile can be deceiving. She racked up 33 points for the evening and set the pace of the game by getting 23 of those in the first six jams. Chrissie B. Hynde did her best to match Phantom's prowess with her 27 point contribution and continues to be a veritable force in any position on the track. Taking Names had the most jammer take-outs, and even without a complete stat sheet to look at, I'd have to say she had the most penalties for NEO. As for DCRD, it's hard to say. Maully Olly Oxenfree did her best to make the refs earn their stripes. She was ejected from the first period for excessive trips to the penalty box and didn't slow down for the second period. She may commit a lot of penalties, but she also hits like 808 beats: consistant and hard.
NEO skated into the last jam with a 12 point lead and almost blew it by calling a time out. Under the current rule-set, if there is less than 30 seconds on the period clock before a jam, another jam will not start, i.e. game's over. Had NEO let the clock run out, the game would have been 98-86. But team captain Taking Names called a time-out for team regrouping and that forced one last jam (the period clock won't start again until the whistle that starts the pack). DCRD, much like they did last year, pulled it together and did phenomenally in the crunch. Shelby N. Pain scored 14 points, but NEO's Twin Pistol , despite DCRD's strong defense, managed to get 4 points in there as well, keeping NEO just 2 points ahead. When the tally was reported, only about 14 girls cheered, everyone else felt wronged in some way. But in my opinion (which most often doesn't count) it only sets the stage for next year. Will there be a rematch? And if so, who will come out on top? We can only wait and see. But rest assured that I'll be there to report the story to you. Keep rolling true believers!
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Cold, maybe, but Hungry No More!
Akron, Ohio (2-21-2009)- The NEO Rock 'n' Roller Girls took the plunge, literally. For years, the Portage Lakes Polar Bear Jump has raised money for worthy causes. As the NEO girls aim to positively participate in their community, it seemed like a no brainer: let's jump into freezing cold water! Sounds easy, but breaking that ice was no picnic.
This year's charitable donation went to the Akron-Canton Regional Food Bank. For every dollar donated, 7 people can eat. Not bad, especially considering the jump raised over $22,000. Over two hundred jumpers bathed in the icy drink of Portage Lakes and we were there. Six of us to be exact. We raised just under $700, but the true dedication came when we had to line up on that pier. I say we because I was there in all my freezing-why-do-I-live-in-Ohio glory shivering on that platform waiting my turn to show the world that what I lack in common sense, I make up for in goose bumps.
As the jumpers registered they were given a number (mine was 117) and then we waited; huddled around the smoky warmth of the ad hoc camp fires and fleece blankets to keep even the tinniest shred of warmth about us. The DJ (a mentally twisted bloke) insisted on playing music that convinced your mind what you were about to do was nothing short of insanity. Songs like "Ice Ice Baby," and "You're as Cold as Ice," when all I wanted was the Beach Boys and "Heat Wave;" not that it would have helped. As families, friends and curious onlookers gathered around the boat launch, we the jumpers began to line up. Our crew, B.F. Goodbytch, Chrissie B. Hynde, Rowdy Cougar, Pepper Insult, Taking Names and I, had to wait until after the intermission, but it wasn't long until they were rounding 110 and we were being called up to "walk the plank."
Now to help you understand the scene, the jump took place between two boat docks roughly 15 feet apart. The workers had to cut a rectangle out of the ice and continue to move the ice that kept migrating back into the jump zone. For safety there were two dry-suited men, one bobbing continuously in the water while senseless people jumped around him. There was a ladder on the exiting platform for the jumper to climb out of the water and a gang plank that led to the "heated" tents where one would try to regain any concept of non-shivering.
B.F. went first. She made it look easy. She swam like Gertrude Ederle swam the English Channel. Chrissie went next and she made it look fun. Cougar was in front of me and she did the fake out "I can't go" but turned and made it look valliant. I was next. I tried not to think too much about the cold (which by now had increased exponentially with the hurricane like wind) and just focused on my exit strategy. I had to do Rodney Dangerfield a solid and performed the prep of the Triple Lindy, then did my best to splash those that weren't jumping. That's the last thing I remember for about 5 minutes. I've seen the video and it shows me going under and resurfacing in less than 2 seconds. I then swim to the ladder with ease and up and out I go off to enjoy the rest of the day. But in my mind it was much more tragic. I was sinking to the bottom of the lake. I didn't actually feel the cold. I didn't feel anything. It was just me and a greenish blue light that was slowly ebbing into black. There was soft music playing or maybe it was a whale song. All I know is that I was ready and I was at peace. Some force must have pushed me back toward the light as I blinked the icicles away from my eyelids and saw the afore mentioned rescue man bobbing away like a buoy. Why wasn't he helping me? Why is he telling me I'm fine? Clearly he can see that none of my mental powers over my body's actions were working. The cold clearly had interrupted all communication and the body was working on reflex. I swam with heavy stiff arms. I climbed with non-responsive legs that didn't stop clicking together. I was a cartoon version of myself with some creepy frozen smile on my face (I was trying to cry, but I'm sure I looked like I was overjoyed). I remember thinking that there were too many people between me and my father in-law who was holding my bag of dry clothes out to me (Virgil, you may have saved my life, if not my dignity). I scurried to the tent in dreams of walking into a sauna like bath house. Not so. There were more shivering naked men than... well, I'll keep this clean. Suffice it to say that there were a lot of shivering naked men and I was just trying to find a little corner where I could change (like a 10 year old at the beach; in complete cover of the towel) and get the ice out of my butt crack.
My son was completely impressed and awe-struck. My wife vowed never to mention being cold around me again. My derby family was that much closer and now the question on everyone's chapped lips: would I do it again?
Come out next year and find out.
Naptown: The Boobs Won... and so did Naptown
Indianapolis, Indiana (2-14-2009)- Ok, so I've been waiting to get some solid statistics from the game to put together a comprehensive recap, but those stats are lost in the void. My titanium trap of a mind will have to suffice.
The bout, Kick Start My Heart, was played on Valentine's Day and what better way to express love than to watch a bunch of bad-ass women knocking each other around? This event was also a fundraiser for breast cancer awareness and research, but we'll get to that later.
Naptown Roller Girls' B team the Warning Belles, hosted the NEO Rock 'n' Roller Girls to a crowd of approximately 2,500; something NEO had only dreamed of up to that point. The Belles certainly had a hometown cheer in their favor and the sound at the venue was deafening to say the least. The first period definitely belonged to the Belles as they demonstrated the tough love they held for NEO. The NEO girls just couldn't seem to pull their teamwork together long enough to keep the Belles from scoring; notably Noxious Donna and Katya Lookin. At the end of the first half the Belles held a lead of 40-12 over NEO. Now in derby, that's not a big spread of points and it's not unheard of for a jammer to rack up fifteen points in a single jam. But that's not how things happened for NEO.
The second period, however, did belong to NEO. Whether it was the rumored zen meditative breathing during the break or the sheer determination not to go home bloodied and bashed on Valentine's, we'll never know. What was evident was the teamwork that NEO pulled together in that second and final period. Chrissie B. Hynde had some amazing scoring runs as did team captain Taking Names who proves to be affective regardless of what position she's playing. Names, as a jammer, seems to find some sadistic joy in taunting the opposing jammer outside of the pack. At one point she drew some jeers from the hometown crowd when she dropped Katya Lookin to the cement before taking back off to attack the pack in a scoring run.
The final score was 63-41 in favor of the Belles, which shows the strong second half NEO had. They were able to hold the game off from being a Valentine's Massacre. Instead it was akin to a bad date with no kiss at the end of the night.
This brings us back to boobs. Breasts. There's no doubting the seriousness of breast cancer and the struggle and glory of its survivors. So to help the cause the Naptown Roller Girls held an auction with the proceeds, over $5,000, going to the Young Survivor's Coalition. What can you auction to get that kind of payoff? Live-casted roller girls. A variety of the Naptown girls volunteered to have their torso from boob to belly button be cast in plaster. Those molds then went to artists of choice who interpreted the cast in their own way. Those works of art will no doubt be proudly displayed on walls, mantles or coffee tables and the story that goes with them will surely include that great game of derby. The NEO Rock 'n' Roller Girls will be the first roller derby league in Ohio to take part in this unique fundraising experience. For more information check out www.breastimpressions.com
The bout, Kick Start My Heart, was played on Valentine's Day and what better way to express love than to watch a bunch of bad-ass women knocking each other around? This event was also a fundraiser for breast cancer awareness and research, but we'll get to that later.
Naptown Roller Girls' B team the Warning Belles, hosted the NEO Rock 'n' Roller Girls to a crowd of approximately 2,500; something NEO had only dreamed of up to that point. The Belles certainly had a hometown cheer in their favor and the sound at the venue was deafening to say the least. The first period definitely belonged to the Belles as they demonstrated the tough love they held for NEO. The NEO girls just couldn't seem to pull their teamwork together long enough to keep the Belles from scoring; notably Noxious Donna and Katya Lookin. At the end of the first half the Belles held a lead of 40-12 over NEO. Now in derby, that's not a big spread of points and it's not unheard of for a jammer to rack up fifteen points in a single jam. But that's not how things happened for NEO.
The second period, however, did belong to NEO. Whether it was the rumored zen meditative breathing during the break or the sheer determination not to go home bloodied and bashed on Valentine's, we'll never know. What was evident was the teamwork that NEO pulled together in that second and final period. Chrissie B. Hynde had some amazing scoring runs as did team captain Taking Names who proves to be affective regardless of what position she's playing. Names, as a jammer, seems to find some sadistic joy in taunting the opposing jammer outside of the pack. At one point she drew some jeers from the hometown crowd when she dropped Katya Lookin to the cement before taking back off to attack the pack in a scoring run.
The final score was 63-41 in favor of the Belles, which shows the strong second half NEO had. They were able to hold the game off from being a Valentine's Massacre. Instead it was akin to a bad date with no kiss at the end of the night.
This brings us back to boobs. Breasts. There's no doubting the seriousness of breast cancer and the struggle and glory of its survivors. So to help the cause the Naptown Roller Girls held an auction with the proceeds, over $5,000, going to the Young Survivor's Coalition. What can you auction to get that kind of payoff? Live-casted roller girls. A variety of the Naptown girls volunteered to have their torso from boob to belly button be cast in plaster. Those molds then went to artists of choice who interpreted the cast in their own way. Those works of art will no doubt be proudly displayed on walls, mantles or coffee tables and the story that goes with them will surely include that great game of derby. The NEO Rock 'n' Roller Girls will be the first roller derby league in Ohio to take part in this unique fundraising experience. For more information check out www.breastimpressions.com
Thursday, February 19, 2009
NEO Announces Home Season
Akron, Ohio (2/14/2009) - The NEO Rock 'n' Roller Girls, Akron's premier roller derby league has announced its home season. The league is currently traveling bouting teams from the Midwest to New England. But their home town has been itching to hear who they will be playing at their 2009 bout venue the Summit County Fair Grounds. That list has been released. Starting off the season on May 2nd, they will be standing up to the Suicidal Saucies, a B team from Queen City Roller Girls in Buffalo, New York. Then they will be setting off alarms to attract the S.W.A.T from Fort Wayne Derby Girls in Fort Wayne, Indiana on June 13th.
The Summit County Fair takes place during the month of July so there is no scheduled bout for that month, however rumors have been circulating about an exposition bout to be held as part of the fair's regularly scheduled programming. This means if you have paid for entrance to the fair, you can see the bout for "free."
On August 29th, there will be the first of two rematches. This one is against Gang Green, the B team from the Ohio Roller Girls in Columbus. This bout is also going to feature an auction to raise money for Breast Cancer research and education.
September 19th sees the rematch against the B team from the Burning River Roller Girls in Cleveland. Then to end the 2009 home season we'll see our home town heroines take on the girls from Assault City Roller Derby from Syracuse, New York on October 17th.
Naturally, there is always the possibility of late additions, but it would appear that these girls will have their skates on for the majority of the year as it is.
Incidentally, if you happen to be on your way to see the butter cow sculpture at the Ohio State Fair in August, stop by to watch the Roller Derby Expo that will include all of the established roller derby leagues from the state including your very own NEO Rock 'n' Roller Girls.
Stay tuned derby fans...
The Summit County Fair takes place during the month of July so there is no scheduled bout for that month, however rumors have been circulating about an exposition bout to be held as part of the fair's regularly scheduled programming. This means if you have paid for entrance to the fair, you can see the bout for "free."
On August 29th, there will be the first of two rematches. This one is against Gang Green, the B team from the Ohio Roller Girls in Columbus. This bout is also going to feature an auction to raise money for Breast Cancer research and education.
September 19th sees the rematch against the B team from the Burning River Roller Girls in Cleveland. Then to end the 2009 home season we'll see our home town heroines take on the girls from Assault City Roller Derby from Syracuse, New York on October 17th.
Naturally, there is always the possibility of late additions, but it would appear that these girls will have their skates on for the majority of the year as it is.
Incidentally, if you happen to be on your way to see the butter cow sculpture at the Ohio State Fair in August, stop by to watch the Roller Derby Expo that will include all of the established roller derby leagues from the state including your very own NEO Rock 'n' Roller Girls.
Stay tuned derby fans...
Steal City Steels Glory from Akron Roller Derby League
Pittsburgh, PA (1/24/2009) - The Steel City Derby Demons of Pittsburgh beat both of their invited guest leagues in the bout titled "Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Bouts" on January 24th.
The NEO Rock 'n' Roller Girls, Akron's premier roller derby league, battled Pittsburgh's B-Unit and lost 97-49. As you derby fans well know, 48 points isn't a big spread in a bout and considering it was NEO's first bout of the season with some vet's on the injured list and some newbies getting their first taste of blood, this isn't a bad score at all. The Rock 'n' Rollers fought hard, showing excellent team work, but alas, the B-Unit was just a better team. This is not difficult to understand seeing the strength of SCDD's A team Steel Hurtin'. It should also be noted that as a non-WFTDA bout the opener was only two 20 minute periods instead of the full two 30's; but with a double-header, total time is an important factor.
Bringing us to the main event: Steel Hurtin' vs. the Stepford Sabotage from Connecticut's CT Rollergirls. Steel City kept striking with the hottest iron they could find beating CT Rollergirls 149-33. CTR, plagued by some sick players and a couple of injuries during the game, fought so hard that it was incredulous to see the final score. Pearl Jammer from CTR had some memorable momments as jammer, but it was Hurricane Heather that twisted the fans into a frenzy. If you get the chance, watch this woman skate.
Up next for NRRG is the Naptown Roller Girls in Indianapolis on Valentine's Day. Stay tuned, derby disciples...
For more information check out www.neorocknrollergirls.com
NEO Rock 'n' Roller Girls 2009 Season
The NEO Rock 'n' Roller Girls, Akron's Premier Roller Derby League, has just released its 2009 season schedule and it promises to rock the knee socks off of the Akron area.
The league, a fully functioning all-female ran frenzy of fishnets and fiercely dedicated skaters will spend the first four months of the year traveling to locations far and wide. First up is the Steel City Derby Demons in Pittsburgh, January 24th. Then they bounce to Ohio's west coast to Indianapolis where they take on the Naptown Roller Girls on Valentine's Day (February 14th).
Any scientist will tell you that it is nearly impossible for lightning to strike the same place twice, but NRRG and the Demolition City Roller Derby will attempt to penetrate into the impervious womb of Mother Nature and recreate the edge-of-your-seat home opener of DCRD's first ever bout last year. That bout was just about as intense as they get; complete with a star-pass and overtime. But when the points were tallied at the end of the sudden death jam, DCRD had won. This means two things: DCRD will be hoping to recreate the fanatic atmosphere that propelled their first season into a successful venture and NRRG will be out to exact their pound of flesh. This bout will take place in Evansville, Indiana on March 7th.
With the traveling bug nipping at their wheels, NRRG will head to Portland to take on the Maine Roller Derby on April 11th. MRD along with SCDD and NRG are all leagues sanctioned by the Women's Flat Track Derby Association, although NRRG will be bouting against their B teams. DCRD will be fielding their A team and understandably so.
Then the NEO Rock 'n' Roller Girls will be returning home to open their second home season. This year, Akron's sweethearts will be bouting at the Summit County Fair Grounds which will increase the attendance capacity as well as provide a better environment for derby. The Fair Grounds also allow for beer sales, which goes well with cheering on your favorite derby girls. The home season dates are May 5th, June 14th, August 29th, September 19th and October 17th. NRRG will not host a bout during July due to the annual Summit County Fair, but they have hinted that there may be exhibition bouts tied into the planned fair events which, of course, would be free to anyone attending the fair.
The list of teams coming in to bout the NRRG has yet to be released, but cross your fingers. We may see the B teams from the Ohio Roller Girls of Columbus, as well as the Burning River Roller Girls of Cleveland, as they did last year.
Keep your eyes opened and your ears tuned to the Rock 'n' Roll scream of the NEO Rock 'n' Roller Girls as their 2009 season gets underway.
The league, a fully functioning all-female ran frenzy of fishnets and fiercely dedicated skaters will spend the first four months of the year traveling to locations far and wide. First up is the Steel City Derby Demons in Pittsburgh, January 24th. Then they bounce to Ohio's west coast to Indianapolis where they take on the Naptown Roller Girls on Valentine's Day (February 14th).
Any scientist will tell you that it is nearly impossible for lightning to strike the same place twice, but NRRG and the Demolition City Roller Derby will attempt to penetrate into the impervious womb of Mother Nature and recreate the edge-of-your-seat home opener of DCRD's first ever bout last year. That bout was just about as intense as they get; complete with a star-pass and overtime. But when the points were tallied at the end of the sudden death jam, DCRD had won. This means two things: DCRD will be hoping to recreate the fanatic atmosphere that propelled their first season into a successful venture and NRRG will be out to exact their pound of flesh. This bout will take place in Evansville, Indiana on March 7th.
With the traveling bug nipping at their wheels, NRRG will head to Portland to take on the Maine Roller Derby on April 11th. MRD along with SCDD and NRG are all leagues sanctioned by the Women's Flat Track Derby Association, although NRRG will be bouting against their B teams. DCRD will be fielding their A team and understandably so.
Then the NEO Rock 'n' Roller Girls will be returning home to open their second home season. This year, Akron's sweethearts will be bouting at the Summit County Fair Grounds which will increase the attendance capacity as well as provide a better environment for derby. The Fair Grounds also allow for beer sales, which goes well with cheering on your favorite derby girls. The home season dates are May 5th, June 14th, August 29th, September 19th and October 17th. NRRG will not host a bout during July due to the annual Summit County Fair, but they have hinted that there may be exhibition bouts tied into the planned fair events which, of course, would be free to anyone attending the fair.
The list of teams coming in to bout the NRRG has yet to be released, but cross your fingers. We may see the B teams from the Ohio Roller Girls of Columbus, as well as the Burning River Roller Girls of Cleveland, as they did last year.
Keep your eyes opened and your ears tuned to the Rock 'n' Roll scream of the NEO Rock 'n' Roller Girls as their 2009 season gets underway.
Bout: August 2008
Medina, Oh (August 9, 2008) - The LeHigh Valley Roller Girls from Pennsylvania were toppled by Akron's own NEO Rock 'n' Roller Girls in a terrifically tense 105-104 game whose name takes a twist on a Rolling Stones' album: FearSome Girls.
The LVRG were ahead the whole game although NRRG were never that far behind. Team captain Minerva Steel and the Killustrator from LVRG were high scorers with 28 a piece. But it was Phantom Fox of the NRRG that took home the tiara for total points scored at 32 with an average of 3.75 points per jam. "I couldn't have done it without all those girls on the other team for me to pass," said Fox, modestly, tongue planted firmly in cheek.
The NRRG had to borrow a couple of girls from the Burning River Roller Girls in Cleveland to help fill out their roster and with them came the derby dynamo Hannah Bull.
Bull kept her reputation in high standing as a frequent flier to the penalty box, but NRRG team captain Amber Vendetta managed to match her in trips to penalty prison.
Bull also had glory in winning the final jam which placed the NRRG one point ahead and into their second home victory. Bull started the jam alone on the jammer line and with the attentive teamwork of her pack was able to cause an out of play situation on the last three opposing blockers. Moving unopposed past them (per derby rule) she earned her Grand Slam which was just enough and just in time for the final buzzer.
The NRRG now sits on a two and two home record and with a roster that has no guest skaters they take on the Girls from Hammer City in Canada. This final bout of the season titled ...And Derby For All, a playful take on the album by Metallica, rolls into town September 13th at Pinnacle Sports in Medina.
The LVRG were ahead the whole game although NRRG were never that far behind. Team captain Minerva Steel and the Killustrator from LVRG were high scorers with 28 a piece. But it was Phantom Fox of the NRRG that took home the tiara for total points scored at 32 with an average of 3.75 points per jam. "I couldn't have done it without all those girls on the other team for me to pass," said Fox, modestly, tongue planted firmly in cheek.
The NRRG had to borrow a couple of girls from the Burning River Roller Girls in Cleveland to help fill out their roster and with them came the derby dynamo Hannah Bull.
Bull kept her reputation in high standing as a frequent flier to the penalty box, but NRRG team captain Amber Vendetta managed to match her in trips to penalty prison.
Bull also had glory in winning the final jam which placed the NRRG one point ahead and into their second home victory. Bull started the jam alone on the jammer line and with the attentive teamwork of her pack was able to cause an out of play situation on the last three opposing blockers. Moving unopposed past them (per derby rule) she earned her Grand Slam which was just enough and just in time for the final buzzer.
The NRRG now sits on a two and two home record and with a roster that has no guest skaters they take on the Girls from Hammer City in Canada. This final bout of the season titled ...And Derby For All, a playful take on the album by Metallica, rolls into town September 13th at Pinnacle Sports in Medina.
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